Something Dumb..

(absolutely no comment on the lateness of this because of invasion of things called 'life' and 'studying')

Hey.

I know its been a while - and it'll probably continue to be spaced out a lot for a bit due to exams coming up - but I have something to say today.

I can now stand proudly before you and say that I'm both an idiot and insane. ^_^

Lol, let me explain...

All started last night with this film I was watching (28 Days, it has Sandra Bullock in it and a few other folk) about someone that was going through re-hab. One of the things they got her to do was wear a cardboard sign round her neck; Hers said 'Confront me if I don't ask for help'.

Anyway, being the imaginitive and curious little soul that I am, I wondered idly for a moment what it would be like to have something like that around your neck. A sign stating clearly one of your weaknesses. The thought scared me. A lot.

However, at the same time I had another thought - about myself and just how many things I do fear. If I were to list them, it would literally fill the page. And I had already decided I'd had enough of being afraid of things, dodging my fears, blocking them, running, hiding - whatever. Its only some fears I've faced and gotten rid of so far.

Continuing on - there was a new fear I'd just found, and there was also a rebellion of sorts against that fear. So I decided then and there that I would make myself a sign and wear it today.

So, I got up this morning... Talked it over with my amazing boyfriend then made the sign. (for those wondering, I wrote 'Confront me if I don't speak my mind') Then I sat around in the house for a while before college, thinking it over. I talked to a couple of friends From college and they more or less tried to talk me out of it. But, I left the house with it on under my jacket and just walked up the road.

I got inside the classroom, sat down and took my coat off. And promptly had half the class (the people that noticed) laughing their heads off at it. I just sorta sat for a moment or two blushing beetroot before the humour of the situation caught up with me. We all spent about five minutes laughing before I took it off. Didn't need to leave it on after that - I'd already conquered that fear.

You see, I'd been imagining it a lot worse than it actually turned out to be - what I was completely terrified of never happened. Yes, I did get laughed at - but that was more because of the situation (I did look pretty funny really). So honestly, and I'm not sure if that's going to hold for every occaision or not yet, I don't really fear that nearly as much any more. It was a fairly irrational fear to begin with, and by facing it... I suppose I proved to myself that the world wouldn't end ^^

So while I didn't wear it all day I learnt a lesson, and one that I needed. I can honestly say that I'm glad I did it.

Anywho - just thought I'd share that with you... its something I'm proud of.